One Leadership Advice We Need To Heed
If there was one last piece of advice you could give your child what would that be? This is not an easy answer for any parent. There are tons of advice you could give. But, what advice would have the most impact?
Russian mystic, philosopher and composer, George Gurdjieff (1877–1949) once got unique advice from his father, Yiannis Georgiades. George was born during the Russian rule in present-day Armenia ( I first learnt about Gurdjieff from Osho’s commentary about him).
When I heard the advice, I felt it is both powerful and actionable. I rushed to tell my children and keep reminding them often. Before I share with you how you can use this advice as a leadership technique, let me share with you the incident.
When Yiannis Georgiades was on his death bed, he called his only son, 9-year-old George said.
“George, I don’t have much time left and I have one last piece of advice for you. Remember, this for the rest of your life.”
Yiannis said, “Remember, If somebody creates anger in you, wait for 24 hours before you respond to them.” He then asked George to repeat the advice three times so that he never forgets it.
Now, why would a man on his death bed, say that to a 9-year-old, his only son. He could have said so many other things. “ Study well, Work hard, Be truthful, Believe in God etc.” Why this?
Scientific discoveries back up this advice.
The Way We Are Wired
Each day, many people test our patience. Some cross our personal boundaries or do things we feel are stupid! Watch out for how you respond.
Years ago, I made a habit of bookmarking news about incredibly stupid things people do in moments of anger. Newsfeeds are filled with such incidents almost daily. You could see headlines like “ Husband stabs wife for changing TV channel” “ Disgruntled solider shoots general who yelled at him”. At work, you often see people responding angrily to emails, saying or doing things they regret later.
This is known as Amygdala Hijack which can be defined as follows.
Amygdala hijack is an immediate, overwhelming emotional reaction with a later realisation that the reaction was inappropriately intense given the trigger.
In simpler words,
Do in haste. Regret in Leisure.
People and events often “create anger in you” ( You see, there is a difference between the statement “being angry” and “creation of anger in you”. You, the person is not angry, you are feeling the emotion called anger — usually triggered by an external event or comment.)
Strange things happen in our brains when we are feeling angry. Our minds stop working! Why? It is tough to make rational decisions when you are on an emotional high.
The prefrontal cortex shuts down and your animal instinct awakens.
What Can You Do?
- Work to enhance your self-awareness. One way to make yourself more self-aware is to continuously train yourself for emotional self-regulation. Watch what you think, say, do. Daily journaling helps.
- Remind yourself of the potential consequences of your emotional reactions. You could damage your relationships, reputation and personal well-being. You might lose opportunities, money and even freedom.
- Delay your response so that your Prefrontal Cortex gets more time to process the information, evaluate possible responses, the consequences for each response and hopefully provide you with a potentially better action plan. If you can wait for 24 hours that’s awesome. If you really can’t wait for 24 hours, spent 2.4 hours or 24 minutes in silent contemplation. Go for a walk, exercise or other ways of Context-Switching. Here is where a mentor or executive coach could help because we are often unaware of our own blindspots. We can see the blind spots of others, not ours! We need someone to show us the mirror!
As the Chinese proverb says:
If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape one hundred days of sorrow.
The advice the child received seems to have served him well. George Gurdjieff rose to fame and significance as a respected leader with great influence and followers.
Call To Action:
When some create anger in you, delay your response. Heed to this advice and share it with your family, friends, teams and peers. There is someone out there, who needs to hear this! Share this if you find this information worthy of sharing. I would also like to hear about your experience. What do you do when someone creates anger in you?
Originally published at https://www.linkedin.com/in/manojthecoach/.
