Have you been conditioned to behave in a certain way?
Are our behaviours shaped by the opinion of others? If that has adversely affected us, what can we do to consciously design our destiny, for the next phase of our life?
Last weekend I was in Singapore for the International Youth Leadership and Innovation Forum(IYLIF). There were many great speakers at the conference. The speaker right after lunch, Hitesh Ramchandani, rocked the stage with humour, emotions and stories along with riveting messages. While I was sitting in the back of the room, he surprised me by calling me out on stage to give me public credit for breaking his morbid fear of speaking and his transformation into a sought-after international paid professional speaker and upcoming legend. Then he shocked me by saying “ Tell them about my journey….” I did a decent job but dropped out many details in the interest of time. My daughter who was in the room, later said “ You DIDN’T answer his question. He said ‘journey’ and you said something else”.
My daughter’s words made me reflect more about that “journey” and led me to look at the root causes of fear, nervousness and anxiety at work and in social interactions. I also pondered two questions
- How often do we let our behaviours be shaped by the opinion of others
- How can we consciously design our destiny for the next phase of our life
The Backstory
For starters, Hitesh was born with Cerebral Palsy, a congenital condition that severely affected his breathing, movements and speech. Born with a disadvantage and destined to be in a wheelchair, he was determined and he succeeded to walk, run and eventually play in the paralympic football team. Ridiculed, bullied and rejected during his teenage years for his appearance, he developed severe social anxiety and could not speak in front of even a group of two strangers... Always quiet in presence of others, he even laboured to tell his name… He tried toastmasters, NLP and other things for long, before destiny brought Vicky Vaswani, his brother to attend one of my public seminars….
Apparently impressed by my talk Vicky told me “My 21-year-old cousin brother has a morbid fear of public speaking… Can you help him?”
On a high after the workshop, I said “No problem!”
Vicky said “He has Cerebral Palsy… He has morbid fear…. His lungs collapse when he speaks…. He can’t breathe”
Vicky added, “He wants to be a motivational speaker!”
I said “Oh ho ho…. Don’t give FALSE hopes to him. Tell me if he has had ANY extraordinary accomplishments… Otherwise, don’t give him false hopes.”
Vicky said “Manoj! His accomplishments are MORE than you and me combined..”
I said “Ok then. Send me the details, I will check and let you know whether I can help”
Vicky sent me a blog written by Hitesh. As I read it I teared up and felt I need to help this guy! I also didn’t want to fail as a coach. Toastmasters hadn’t helped him, NLP hadn’t helped him, what do I need to do…??? I didn’t know HOW, but I knew I HAD to.
I researched Cerebral Palsy and studied more. Asked some coach friends internationally, who told me “If not YOU, then WHO?”
Charged with renewed confidence, I called Vicky and said “Game on!”
He brought Hitesh to me. I saw him fumbling, fidgeting as he is walking… Instinctively, I stretched out my hands to hold his hands… “ He said, “TREAT ME like a NORMAL person!”
I said in my mind “OK! no discount for you!” (I didn’t tell him though🙂)
Vicky said “We already spend money on lots of things…. if we need to spend more, we have to ask his father..”
{ In my mind, I didn’t want them to just try me out, I wanted FULL commitment! I have seen many people with INTEREST, very few with the COMMITMENT, which I believe is needed and is irreplaceable..}
The next day, his father came to my office to check me out…. He asks me many questions…. Hitesh asks “What’s your qualification?” I said “No qualification, only results. Ask anyone I coached, be convinced and committed before you signup. Once you sign up, you will be committed and I will be more committed than you.”
“What’s your strategy?” I said, “Whatever it takes!”
In the first session, I used the flip chart…. to draw a Professional Speaking Roadmap for Hitesh. Step 1: Overcome the fear of speaking….. Step 2:….
The sessions continued…
One day, a couple of weeks later, Hitesh arrives late, strolls into my office, bangs on my table and says, “Speaking is not what I want! I want people to treat me well. What should I do?” I asked, “What happened?” He says “Today I took the taxi, the taxi driver asked me ‘Are you drunk?’… Why are people making fun of my condition?”
I blurted out “It is not because of YOUR condition. It’s because of THEIR conditioning.” (I would later repeat this line to many more people in the future….)
He goes “Not just that. My football team has a talk tomorrow morning, at a school. They asked my friend to speak. They NEVER ask ME!” I raised my voice and said, “Why would they EVER invite you?”
He said, “Why not?”
I said “You keep telling everyone you are afraid to speak. Everyone knows that. No one will invite YOU!”
I continued “Well if you get INVITED, do you EVEN have a speech ready?” He said “No”
I said “Okay, today let us write your speech. To be a professional speaker, “Your Keynote is your KEY!”
We spend 2–3 hours crafting his signature keynote…. and coaching to overcome fear…
The VERY next day, 9:25 am: I get a call from Hitesh, “Manoj, I am at the school…. The other guy didn’t turn up. They asked me to speak…”
I said “OK, I will take a cab and come over… I will come to support you!”
He said “Too late, it starts in 5 minutes… There are 200 people!!!…..”
I immediately launched into a pep talk, telling him about strategies, techniques and tactics…. boosting his self-belief!
He said, “OK, I will do that!”
Soon, Vicky’s words came to my mind in slow motion. “Manoj, he has Cerebal palsy…. when he’s nervous…. his lungs will collapse, he can’t breathe…. he can’t breathe….”
I remembered his father…. who loves him…. A thought came to my mind…. What if something happens to Hitesh? Will they have to call the ambulance..?
At 10:15 I call my wife and said “Let’s go for lunch..” She said, “Why so early?” I was impatiently waiting to know what happened at the School.
Around 11 am. Hitesh calls” Manoj, Where are you?”
I said “What happened? Tell me what happened?”
He said, “Where are you??” I said… “In my office, tell me what happened?”
He goes “I will tell you when I see you. I will take a cab.”
I keep waiting and waiting…. in my office room… looking out of the glass door…. that leads to my room…
After a long time, Hitesh appears… dressed in football attire…. Takes his time to slowly walk through the glass door….
I impatiently asked, “What happened?”
He said “Man! I killed it!”
“Do you know what my strength is? It’s humour!”……
The students loved it. The teachers loved it. The keynote works… and my strength is humour!
I was thinking… He’s so grateful… He took his time, spent his pocket money on a taxi… just to come to share with me his good news….. Very few people credit their mentors for their success… Of course, I felt like I need to help him even more!
His transformation was temporary as in the next few days, his fear would reappear and it took many more sessions before he became UNSTOPPABLE. He has had other mentors, friends and family who supported him and took him to the next level. Vicky Vaswani, his brother towers tall among them. He dedicated a significant part of his life to ensure that Hitesh succeeds. I am glad I played a small part. In 2017, when I competed for the World Championship of Public Speaking, Hitesh kept reminding me regularly “You will win. You are the champ.” and one of the guys who celebrated my win the most!
When I was doing consulting, there was some fame and less meaning. When I did speaking, I had more fame and more meaning. When I did coaching, I had even more meaning and fulfilment because I became a catalyst and force multiplier for many around the world.
In 2012, when I started The Keynote Academy Professional Speaking Program, it was a 1-on-1 coaching program to help aspiring Professional Speakers, a world I was entering. Later that would turn into a group coaching program for aspiring speakers that had participants from 10 countries so far. Check it out at www.TheKeynoteAcademy.com
Last weekend, when I watch speakers on the stage including all rockstars Avi Liran, Josiah Tay Guan Hin, Yana Lakshmi Fry, Ruby Mathur, Mike Henry and the numerous Youth Ambassadors who I coached, it felt great to be listening and experiencing instead of speaking! I didn’t have a speaking slot and had no plans to be on stage, till Hitesh called me on stage.
I also remembered the day when Hitesh was speaking at NAC in front of some 5000 people, I was sitting next to his father, who was visibly happy to see the entire audience giving Hitesh, a spontaneous standing ovation…. Last weekend, I saw him get many standing invitations…
How has your behaviour or condition been shaped by the opinion of others? How did you cure it? Please comment below with the strategies or techniques you learnt.
Call to Action: If you like to be a conference speaker like Hitesh, check out The Keynote Academy Professional Speaking Program www.TheKeynoteAcademy.com
Manoj Vasudevan is a Next Level Leadership Readiness expert, management consultant, and the World Champion of Public Speaking who helps executives and entrepreneurs to break through to the Next Level of their career and life. Manoj is known for his expertise in simplifying complex topics into practical strategies. He is the CEO of Thought Expressions and holds an MBA from Imperial College, London. His books include the international bestseller Mastering Leadership The Mousetrap Way. He speaks at international conferences, multinational companies, universities, and around the world. As a coach, Manoj has a proven track record in personal transformation and achieving leadership breakthroughs. CEOs, Senior Executives, UN Diplomats, Celebrities & Professionals from 27 nationalities have benefited from Manoj’s coaching and public programs.
Originally published at https://www.linkedin.com/in/manojthecoach/.
